Day 6

Its hardly been a week...I'm just numb. I saw your body and...it wasn't you. I couldn't believe that you were gone. I still can't. I went through that entire day asking myself if it was real; it couldn't have been. You used to be so full of life, so full of passion, that there's no way it could've been real...you couldn't have been gone..
The day I heard...when they told me you wouldn't live to see a new morning, I went back to all the places I'd kissed you; all the places where I realized I knew I loved you. Did you remember? Did you ever think about them? Just the occasional flashback, or was it just a memory to you? Was it as important to you as it has been to me? Were you holding back just as much as I was? Or was it just a moment in your life, no more, no less? You told me, once, that you didn't deserve me. You were right; you deserved someone so much more than I ever was, ever could be; you deserved someone who could make your life a miracle; don't get me wrong, truly, it was to me, to all of us, but it never seemed like you believed it.
I don't know how many of these letters I'll write, or when the next one will be; it could be just this one, or there could be another a year down the line, when I'm next to someone and wishing it was you. All I know, Kayla, is that I loved you, and I know that since I started saying that about you, it stopped hurting so much to say. So...I'm not going to say goodbye. I'm not going to pretend like I'm going to be seeing you any time soon, either. You're an angel now, and even if you had the time to watch over me, there are others who need your presence more. However, I am going to say this; six days ago, I lost my best friend. I lost the one person who could make it seem like everything would always be okay. Six days ago, I lost the girl I loved. Every time I tried to distract myself, I always ended up gravitating back to her. Six days ago, I lost one of the few people who had always driven me to write; one of the few people who was always bothered me about it. Even though it was annoying sometimes, I wouldn't be anywhere close to where I am without it. ...Six days ago, someone told me it was time for the last goodbye. They were wrong; this isn't goodbye. Fare thee well, Kayla, I'll see you sometime later, either here or on the other side.